Growing Up
Keep wondering how people who come closer than one expects, and then all of a sudden just drop out of one’s life.
Always seemed pretty strange to me, more so because I don’t make friends easily. I have one best friend (at a time, that lasts for abt 8-9 years), 4-5 good friends, and a few friends that are just one step further from being an acquaintance. When I was younger, I would get totally involved in a friendship till the first fight happened. Then I’d break off, completely. As I grew older, I kinda slid of my high horse and became slightly more tolerant. I made the best friend of my life then, and we survived not one, but several bad fights, shared our dreams, and with childish optimism, believed that we’ll always be together. Well, we are a few continents apart now, and it doesn’t matter. Even though all is not rosy in our friendship, the love, as complicated and convoluted as it might be, its still there. But now things are different, friendships happen and break off, for no apparent reason. No justifications are given or expected. Things just slide into a state of non-communication. Just like that.
I’m still young enough to care and try once or twice depending upon the depth of the relationship, to revive it. Ask questions, try to sort out problems, then give up. And one of the biggest fears I face right now is that one day I might just stop caring.
What has change? Is it me? Is it the kind of friends I make? Or is this the way everybody is? Grown up and all.
Strange! When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up because the most common answer to all my questions were ‘You’ll understand when you grow up’. Wellll...I don’t think so.
Always seemed pretty strange to me, more so because I don’t make friends easily. I have one best friend (at a time, that lasts for abt 8-9 years), 4-5 good friends, and a few friends that are just one step further from being an acquaintance. When I was younger, I would get totally involved in a friendship till the first fight happened. Then I’d break off, completely. As I grew older, I kinda slid of my high horse and became slightly more tolerant. I made the best friend of my life then, and we survived not one, but several bad fights, shared our dreams, and with childish optimism, believed that we’ll always be together. Well, we are a few continents apart now, and it doesn’t matter. Even though all is not rosy in our friendship, the love, as complicated and convoluted as it might be, its still there. But now things are different, friendships happen and break off, for no apparent reason. No justifications are given or expected. Things just slide into a state of non-communication. Just like that.
I’m still young enough to care and try once or twice depending upon the depth of the relationship, to revive it. Ask questions, try to sort out problems, then give up. And one of the biggest fears I face right now is that one day I might just stop caring.
What has change? Is it me? Is it the kind of friends I make? Or is this the way everybody is? Grown up and all.
Strange! When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up because the most common answer to all my questions were ‘You’ll understand when you grow up’. Wellll...I don’t think so.
posted by Michael at 7:57 PM
5 Comments:
Hey Michael!
I guess I logged in immediately after you posted your comment. Thanks for dropping in. :-)
I like this honest reflection here. And guess somethings can only be learnt first hand including relationships and this feeling of being blase to everything.
Cheers
D
i hope i never become blase..there's a scary thought..one that's scarier than being called 'aunty'
LOL...I've been called aunty and i gave the kid a really dirty look! I feel every relationship deserves a fair shot. If after that it doesnt wrk...its not meant to be! And yes...we never really grow up. Or we keep finding more complicated questions to test our wisdom and wits!
Hi! :-))
Happy New Year n lotsa 'fresh'ness to you! Puhlease, don't be blase. Its not worth it even if it is a survival technique.
Reading this made me remember the realtionships in which I'd invested so much! Don't stop giving yourself totally. Just don't expect anything and you'll be fine! ((()))
Vij: You hit the nail on the head with that statement 'we never really grow up. Or we keep finding more complicated questions to test our wisdom and wits..'
Shankari: Thanks girl! and a Very Happy New Year to you as well!
giving myself is okay..but expectations of some returns should be there...coz once my sister said...'if u keep giving and giving (watch the movement of your hand while you give) at one stage you'll be left with nothing...and then when your hands are turned upwards and then its your turn to ask ..you(in generic terms) can become worse than blase..as you can start resenting the very people you gave so much of yourself too..defeating the entire purpose as is!
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