Adam & Eve – Part 2- Oh Why Oh Why Oh Why

Having been subjected to convent school education for 14 years of my life I had ample time to observe, assimilate, act out and experience many forms of female ploys used to manipulate situations to their benefits. I am not trying to be rude to my sex, but my precious childhood and adolescence were not the happiest times of my life till date.

As mentioned before in an introduction about myself, I always felt better observing all the high drama from an emotionally safe distance, rather than – God Forbid- getting involved in any.
Men think they don’t understand women...Hell we don’t understand that much about ourselves either. One never knows how one of my kind is going to react. Never. Lets say it out loud .NEVER!

Back then I was considered to be a part of the intelligent crème – (just a perception mind you, could be false) - though i was a tad bit more dreamy than was fashionable. Not that I ever ranked first in my class, or even the second or third. Study-wise I was always an average student. So why was I considered intelligent. Here’s why:

1)Didn’t talk much until I was spoken to
2)Stared intently at whoever was conversing ..letting them be aware that someone was actually listening to them
3)Copied Redford and practiced the art of projecting calmness
4)Could write a poem on every girl in class
5)Knew Astrology ( supposedly)
6)Read a lot of books, legend goes that Michael had read the Kamasutra, by age 15! WOW!
7)And last but not the least, was the only girl in class who didn’t have a boyfriend – ergo could give a impartial, clear third party view on their situations -the perfect advisor, read spinsterish agony aunt.

Lets for the time being consider the previous seven points as Some Myths about Michael. Here are the Facts:

1)I could talk a bark off a tree when and only when the subject appealed to me. Thankfully there weren’t many. But most of the time I shut up coz I didn’t know what some people were on about (Hehe just remembered Joey’s expression from one of the seasons of Friends..hell he wore that look many times in all of the seasons)
2)No body could believe that I had perfected the art of sleeping with my eyes open, while standing and nodding my head and muttering the right words when required. This fine art came in use when girls would take to their minds that I love hearing repeats and re-repeats of the virtues of their boyfriends. Some would have you believe they were dating Gods! Sweet Zeus!
3)Projecting supposed calmness….well one can’t project real emotions (read rage, and irritation) when one happens to be thinner and shorter than most of the girls in the class. I never claimed to be brave!
4)Well that is there, but I could write 25 different paragraphs on the same subject. Content being the same but just that the sentences were readjusted and well things always sound different when its being said about you…moreover..some women just didn’t know when they were being insulted.
5)Read about it – Astrology, i.e., - knew zilch and often told people just the things they wanted to hear.
6)Books were to me what spikes are to porcupines and farts are to foxes – The ultimate defense mechanisms
7)Didn’t have a boyfriend, well there were many reasons for that. First was that I thought boys are pretentious. They had to be pretending, coz nobody could actually be that dumb. Then at some point I saw through some of that dumb façade and by the time I was 16 my guts walked out on me.

Silent and quite and intellectual – my foot!! both my feet and my head rather – I passed through my adolescence with that pretense, coz letting people talk more and telling them exactly what they wanted to hear was better than being called clueless.

Things that were done with a preceding comment like “This is the way men like it” “This is the way they value you” were to me quite astounding.
For instance, after seeing a movie one evening a girlfriend and I came out of the hall and me being me, started looking around for an auto that would ferry us back home. After a while I felt my friend tap me on the shoulder saying “Paagal hai kya (are u out of your mind), to spend your money on Auto, I have called my boyfriend, he can make himself useful by driving us back home”. While I stood there betting all of my meager property that he wouldn’t come, and subjecting a firm lecture of gross human rights violation to my -by now -very bemused friend – He came there. He came to pick us up…with a silly grin on his face as if he was there to collect some shipment of gold. And they say they can’t understand women..damned if I understood what in the name of Hephaestus he was about!!

But she might have had a point there you know..coz she has never been kept waiting more than once..all the guys truly believed that upsetting her ‘ Once Was Enough’!..kyonki woh ghaas nahi deti while I have been kept waiting more often than most times..coz I give away a lot of grass I believe!..hhhmmm

Girls would go around with boys they couldn’t stand so that other girls don’t think less of them. Guys would do the same, just that they made sure that the girl was sought after by a host of other boys.

What all this boils down to probably is just the overwhelming need for acceptance - for both the sexes. They just want to be accepted as one of the crowd. The sense of standing out was as terrifying as the knowledge of being Jew in Germany during the Nazi regime.

Good news is that, with time and experience, Individuality does kick in - for some, and let us kneel and say a prayer of thanks to that!
Though it’s not always good news coz some of the time..most of the time rather… the individualistic, independent type, who keep a mind of their own, turn gay on you, while most of the straight crowd just grows taller.

Where is the justice in all of this I wonder!!!